Car rides with my teenage daughter these days can elicit roller coaster emotions from me, wavering between, “Okay…I can handle this,” to “Am I really going to get out of here alive?”

I’ve seen teenage angst transform my beautiful, caring child into a fury so powerful that even Frodo Baggins couldn’t get past it. Most children know that mothers love unconditionally, so we often receive the brunt of every perceived injustice in our teens’ lives. I became hesitant to reveal too much of myself for fear of hearing reckless teenage judgments. Sometimes it seemed I had nothing to worry about. At other times, I was wise to limit inquires to simple events of her day. And in rare instances, I was doing well to keep the car on the road while my otherwise considerate teen vented about all that was “wrong” in her world.

This explains the mixture of trepidation and joy I experienced one day when I had an enchanting conversation with my daughter, and learned a valuable lesson.

The sun was shining on our ride to school and we had plenty of time before the bell rang. I turned on my tape of show tunes. A few minutes later, I cut my eyes toward the passenger seat.

Is she squirming yet, I wondered?
No, everything appeared to be normal.

I acted upon an impulse to describe the musical’s plot.
She seemed interested.

My confidence grew and I recounted a few work-related experiences.
She listened, and even nodded appreciatively.

Braver still, I brought her up to date on my guilty addiction, Survivor.
She actually laughed!

Becoming slightly uneasy with this record setting flow of positive communication, I recovered with self-deprecating humor.

“Broadway, Survivor… what a loser, I am,” I said, using my hand to form an outdated “L” on my forehead. Spontaneously, my daughter countered,

“You’re not a loser, Mom! You just love what you love.”

As I dropped Stephanie off, I had feelings of great joy - after a short recuperation period. As I drove to my first appointment, her words swam in my head.

“You just love what you love.”

I realized that I had shared both meaningful and inconsequential passions with my daughter. She heard what excited me most and validated my joy with her acceptance. Stephanie’s simple remark reminded me that I was happiest when I focused on things I loved. And it’s true both personally and professionally.

If I’m feeling overwhelmed and out of balance, will buying an expensive new dress really rejuvenate my spirit? Probably not. But if I crawl under a flannel blanket for a few hours with a Coastal Living magazine and a cup of tea, I can take on the world.

Self-care doesn’t have to be glamorous or expensive. It can be as ordinary as a candle’s glow, fresh flowers, or your favorite pajamas. Its only prerequisite is to make you happy and able to deal with the parts of your world you don’t love.

Doing what we love professionally adds that magic ingredient of passion to our formula for success. I’ve held positions I didn’t enjoy and it was miserably evident to everyone. I literally counted the days until I could leave. On the other hand, ask me to talk about my passion for working with women and you may be listening for a very long time.

Ask yourself these questions and pay attention to your responses.

What makes you happy at home? How do you love to spend your time? What activities calm your soul and rejuvenate your spirit? If you could surround yourself with things that bring you joy, what would they be?

What do you love to read about, hear about, think about, and talk about? What kind of work would you do even if you didn’t get paid? What do you like most about your job? What career would you try if you weren’t afraid or money wasn’t an issue?

Your answers might just hold the key to your personal and professional happiness.

“You just love what you love.”

I’m happy to say that there’s light at the end of my “teenage years tunnel”. Conversations with Stephanie are now mostly fun and easy. She is rapidly approaching her final quarter of high school and this time next year I might even miss taking her to school. While we’re still riding together though, I’d better take advantage of it and listen well. There is insight, wisdom, and truth in my daughter’s words.