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Beyond
Rules and Regulations:
The Parent as Spiritual Guide and Mentor
Research now has clarified
that we all come into this world for a special reason or
purpose, which I refer to in my book, Why Cats Don’t
Bark. It is about our soul’s code based on the
writings of James Hillman’s book, The Soul’s
Code.
Thus, our
role as parents extends beyond establishing a system of
discipline or setting boundaries, putting food
on the table and maintaining a college fund. It goes beyond
loving our child unconditionally, giving five hugs a day
and signing our kids up for soccer. Spiritual
parenting is helping our child explore,
discover, nourish and develop his or her soul’s code
or calling, which is revealed generally between the ages
of three to eight, with a resurging of one’s calling
during adolescence.
Perhaps what
often prompts rebellion in adolescents is created by parents
who are trying to push, squeeze, and force a square peg
into a round hole. In the words of Pearl S. Buck,
“a writer must write,
a singer must sing, and a dancer must dance.”
If Johnnie was born to be an artist, perhaps the next Picasso,
and you insist on him becoming the star quarterback, which
may be your unfilled dream, a healthy rebellion is the soul
crying or perhaps screaming to be heard and actualized.
Never contaminate
your child with your unfinished business. Take
responsibility for kicking your dream into action and do
not live your unfulfilled wishes through your children.
Your children are entitled
to their own dreams and aspirations and
your job as a spiritual guide and parent is to facilitate
that process by observing, recognizing, and encouraging
their natural strengths and activity preferences.
I remember my mother
telling the neighbors when I was about five years old that
“Edie has the gift of gab.” Interestingly, more
than fifty years later I am speaking all over the world
and am the recipient of the highest earned award granted
by the National Speakers Association.
While I don’t recall them pushing me in that
direction, my parents allowed me to freely and openly explore
what seemed to be a natural career evolution and intuitively
recognized possibility of what I could become at an early
age.
In his newly released
book, My Life, Bill Clinton reveals that
on the way home from the hospital his mother recognized
that he would be in politics. Recently I was speaking
on The Millennium, a Celebrity cruise ship which offered
spectacular entertainment by a violinist from Poland. Hanna
Starosta was beyond the age of most of those long retired
folks she entertained. She revealed that upon her birth,
her mother took one look at her fingers and said, “It
will play!”
Another phenomenal
musician, a pianist, Pearl Kaufman, played with agility
and the spirit of peers, fifty years her junior. She
also admitted that at about the age of eight, she had the
opportunity to hear and experience a renowned pianist
and immediately connected with her “calling”
and insisted on piano lessons, which lead to her continued
success and joy.
Certainly there are
others more readily recognized such as Michael Jordan, who
clearly was born to play basketball….NOT baseball,
but basketball. Tiger Woods’ talent was nurtured
at an early age by his father. Sarah Hughes, the
sixteen-year-old figure skater who took the gold at the
2000 Winter Olympics, clearly stated her vision on videotape
10 years earlier at the age of six. As a young girl, Sarah
proudly asserted, “When
I grow up I am going to go to the Olympics and get a gold
medal.” She then continued, “I
can hardly wait for it to happen.” The essence of
her message is the core of what I present in my keynotes.
Sarah did not say she would “try” to go to the
Olympics, with strong conviction she said, “I
will go to the Olympics.”
“Trying”
is like being a little bit pregnant. We either are or we
are not….we either do it or we do not. Sarah
then stated with total assurance that she would get a gold
medal…not bronze or silver, but gold. It
is clear we determine how high we will fly, but we also
determine our limitations. It
is crucial that you allow your children to dream and think
BIG. Without a doubt in her mind, Sarah
continued, “I can hardly wait for it to happen.”
This is the level of confidence that we, as parents, must
encourage in our children--for what the mind sees the body
believes.
When such
positive impregnations are made in a child’s mind
at an early age, the outcomes are powerful and
we truly experience a fruitful ROI – Return
on Intelligence.
Perhaps the best place
to begin is to get out of the way of a soul in progress.
While encouragement and facilitation of a child’s
spiritual unfolding certainly assists in their development,
for many parents just not interfering, blocking, or trying
to redirect what comes naturally would give
your child roots to grow and wings to their wishes. |
Edie
Raether, MS, CSP, is an expert on sales performance and marketing trends.
As an international keynote speaker, sales coach and corporate trainer,
she has inspired over 3,000 professional associations and Fortune 500
companies, as well as the National Association of Realtors. She has also
been an NC licensed realtor, and a expert resource to hundreds of publications
such as The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, and Selling Power.
