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My
Mudge
You may be asking
before you even begin reading, “what is a
Mudge?” Actually the right question is “Who
is Mudge?” Mudge was my Grandmother.
The story goes that my sister, the youngest of the four
grandchildren, called my grandfather “Pudge”
one day. When she did that my grandmother exclaimed, “If
he is Pudge, then I am Mudge.” Needless to
say we called them Mudge and Pudge from that day forward.
My Mudge was
a self-made, passionate, honest, forthright, powerhouse
of a woman. When I was growing up I remember visiting
her at Les Passé in Memphis. Les Passé was
a cancer clinic where she worked for a number of years.
She dealt with sadness every
day in her matter of fact, business like manner.
Her strength of character ran so deep and I was so happy
I got to witness who my grandmother really was.
Later in life when
Mudge was a bit over 95 and I just into my early 40’s,
we had a conversation that I contend to this day
changed my life. I was in the middle of some very
difficult and stressful negotiations at work and was literally
working around the clock. All of these negotiations were
top secret so I could not tell anyone what
was going on. My parents had a vacation planned to go to
Europe and they asked that I come stay for a couple of days
with my Mudge. I really didn’t have time to take off,
but I said yes because I knew
it was the right thing to do. I arrived
at the house with my laptop in tow, a grimace on my face
and stress showing from every pore of my body.
My Mudge greeted me
with her normal broad smile at just having me present. We
quickly got into our groove together – ok,
to be honest, I quickly adjusted to her schedule and all
she had going on. My greatest challenge
while I was staying with her was figuring out how to steal
away a few moments throughout the day in order to get some
much-needed work done.
At
5:30 I would wake up every morning to be greeted by her
waiting for me to do the crossword puzzle together. Now
I am a morning person – but I am NOT a let’s
get up and do a crossword puzzle before coffee morning person.
But, I was with my Mudge, so I bit my tongue and sat down
and tried to figure out “15 across” with her.
Towards the end of
my stay I decided to ask my Mudge what I thought was a simple
question: “When you
think back on your work, what are you most proud of?”
She
sat back and pondered for a very long time.
So I asked it a bit differently, “When you think about
the projects you did, which ones were you most proud of?”
She sat and pondered. “Well, just tell me about what
you remember about work,” I stated. She replied, “I
remember Susie. Now Susie was a miracle. Susie was
at the cancer clinic three times in her life. Every time
she was there we thought she was going to pass away, but
Susie went into remission time after time, she was truly
a miracle.”
“Ok, ok,”
I replied. “Nice to know about the people, but
what about the work?”
“Well, I remember
my retirement party. You wouldn’t believe all of the
people that showed up for it. I can still remember the presents
they gave to me.” “Yeah, Mudge,” I said,
growing more impatient with her, “but what
about the work you did?”
“Well, Cari
I can see I am frustrating you. I can remember the vacations
that Pudge and I went on. We
had so many nice vacations since both of us worked.”
“Ok, Mudge,
I get it about the people part of it, but
what about the work you did?” I was
getting really cranky now.
“Well Cari I
can see I have really upset you. I reckon I don’t
remember about my work.” And then it happened –
out of nowhere like the Lord was hitting a pan to my head,
I understood exactly what she was saying and I started
to cry. My Mudge said, “Oh no, I have really
upset you, I am so sorry.” I told her, “Please
don’t be sorry, you just taught me the greatest lesson
I have ever learned.” I walked away and went up to
my room where I shed more tears.
You see, that day
in her bedroom I learned that at the end of your
life what will matter will be the
relationships you foster on a day to day basis, the
people’s lives you touch, and the special times you
have with family and friends. You won’t remember
the project you worked night and day on.
My Mudge passed
away last November. There isn’t a day that
passes where I don’t think about her and miss her
terribly. She continues to guide me through the words she
spoke and through the legacy she left. I
continue to realize what is most noble and most memorable
in life is our service to others. I pray
my Mudge’s words will touch your heart as they touched
mine. |
Cari
is currently at Duke Divinity in order to achieve her Masters of Divinity.
She is also a part-time hospice volunteer. Prior to school, Cari took
a year to volunteer full-time. Before that she was the VP of Employee
Services e-business group with Fidelity for 2 years. She also worked at
IBM for over 18 years in many roles from Human Factors Engineering to
middle management in Human Resources (HR). Cari used to speak at numerous
HR conferences about how to transform HR operations. She also led the
Women’s Diversity Network Group at both IBM and Fidelity. Cari graduated
from the University of Arkansas with a degree in psychology. She loves
to hear from you - her e-mail is