 |
Vickie
Carswell, Director
North Haven
Child Development Center |
On the Strong-Willed
Child
Do you have a strong-will
child? Do you know how to channel that negative energy? How
can you tell if your child is considered “strong-willed?”
Well let’s start
with infancy. Yes……even that young! He
usually gets very upset if his dinner is late
and insists that someone hold him during every waking hour.
As a toddler he fights every form of authority both at home
and everywhere else. Perhaps he draws on the walls and even
tries to flush the family pet down the toilet!
“Strong-willed”
children usually possess the potential to be more
creative and stronger than a compliant child. It
is the responsibility of the parent and caregiver to assist
the child in directing that energy. Children have
to be taught to control their wills. This
can be a great challenge.
All
children must have boundaries. As a matter
of fact they  desire
to have secure boundaries and law and order in their
lives. They need parents and caregivers who demonstrate
strength and courage. These two qualities when combined with
love can usually “win” when faced with what I
call “the battle of the wills.”
Children respect strength and courage. It is important to
them to know how “tough” their leaders
are. Some of the disobedient behavior of children
is just for the precise purpose of testing the determination
of those in charge.
So
here’s the big question; now that you
may think that you have a strong-willed child what should
you do? You must begin shaping the will of the child.
This does not mean to destroy the will. We
must be careful to shape the will or break the will without
breaking the spirit of a child.
When you are certain
that a child has willfully disobeyed you then you must accept
the challenge. Your plan of action must be in place.
It is our responsibility to teach obedience
at an early age as to prepare children for a life of order,
authority and structure later on as they grow into teenagers
and later on into adulthood.
You can begin shaping
the will by doing the following:
1. Be sure your boundaries
are clearly stated and your child understands them.
2. When the boundaries are defiantly challenged, respond
with strength and courage, being very decisive.
3. You must
win each battle; being sure you have not made impossible
demands.
4. Demonstrate forgiveness to your child after the
challenge is over.
5. Consistency-never waiver when it comes
to your expectations.
Much has been written
about children with varying opinions and viewpoints from many
experts on the subject. There is but one truth
that I personally must live by and that is this: children
are God’s favorite group of people (Mathew
18.) God even says we must become like a child to see the
Kingdom. To use a direct quote from "The Strong-Willed
Child," by Dr. James Dobson, a well-noted expert in the
field "The key to competent parenthood
is in being able to get behind the eyes of your child, seeing
what he sees and feeling what he feels. When he is
lonely, he needs your company. When he is defiant, he needs
your help in controling his impulses."
And as always, let
love be your guide.
|
Vickie Carswell,
Director