Joyce Dugan
- A Perspective on Be Cause

Golf Lessons from Dad

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This Too Shall Pass

One day, I will remember the first quarter of 2004 with a smile. For now, I’ll remain positive knowing that it’s been a time of lessons for me.

There were days this winter when I easily could have written a woe-is-me country western hit. Yet here I am - still standing - and the lessons have proven invaluable. I would like to share with you a little bit about what I’ve learned.

Lesson Number One: “This too shall pass.”
Much of my focus lately has been on my mother. It isn’t easy to watch parents grow older. And it isn’t fun to coordinate a big move for another person. But recently I had to move my mother from her neighborhood of 32 years to a retirement community. Our family has known for two decades that this would happen someday, but that didn’t make it any easier when the someday arrived.

Then, following the call that she had six weeks to move, Mom was diagnosed with cancer. One moment I was anxious about arranging my workshops around a U-Haul schedule. The next minute, I was terrified that my mother would become increasingly ill.

Through it all, I remembered growing up and hearing Mom say, “This too shall pass.” As a life coach, I know this to be true. At any given time it might not feel like it, but we human beings really are resilient and can handle quite a bit. However, as a woman trying to keep several emotion-laden plates in the air, in my moments of doubt, I questioned.

But it is true – this too shall pass – events are simply events until we attach a perception to them. We have the choice to be dramatic and doubtful, or to do whatever it takes to get through difficult times. I am delighted to report that Mom and I had tremendous support and on “Move Day” she was completely settled by dinnertime. Next week she begins her radiation regimen with a positive spirit.

Lesson Number Two: Appreciate your history.
Like many daughters, my mother’s stories bored me to tears when I was young. My attention was focused on the many “important” things I had to do – navigating a teenaged social life, understanding relationships, or raising my own children. As a result, her stories got little more than the obligatory polite response so I could be off in my next adventure.

While going through my mother’s possessions, I came across items I’d seen or heard about for years but rarely paid much attention to. Knowing that Mom was downsizing and would no longer have room for these belongings, I had to evaluate their importance in my life. Memories of growing up among certain objects and realizing Mom wouldn’t be around forever made me more appreciative of my family’s history. The memorabilia, the hundreds of pictures, my father’s first medical bag, and Mom’s mixing bowls now hold places of honor in my home.

Lesson Three: Surround yourself with what matters most.
Mom has dealt with mobility concerns for the past 10 years, forcing her to move into progressively smaller homes and rid herself of extraneous possessions. At first, it was a mindless task to dispense with tools, children’s books, or my dad’s belongings following his death. Mom’s latest move was to a one-bedroom apartment, requiring her to be very mindful about what mattered most.

The lesson I learned is to spend focused time deciding what is most important in your life – both people and possessions – and honor them. Surround yourself with items that evoke happy memories. Let the people who mean a great deal to you know that you appreciate them. Through the hectic pace of life we tend to accumulate too many things and too much is left unsaid.

Lesson Four: Practice self-care.
With the additional responsibility of helping Mom move, my schedule became busier and I had less time to practice self-care. In the midst of the chaos, I felt immensely better when I did take some time to nurture myself.

Women cannot give to others what they do not have within themselves.

We must replenish our own resources in order to supply our loved ones with what they need.

Each of us is faced with periods of lessons. They may run the gamut of job transitions, relationship upheavals, or finding ourselves drafted into the ranks of the Sandwich Generation. But we know that what we focus on expands and trying to focus on the positive makes any situation easier. We also know that we learn from our important lessons. They help us to grow and better navigate similar experiences in the future.

May you navigate your valuable lessons with ease and understanding, reminding yourself that “this too shall pass.” May you be able to smile about difficult times very soon after reaching the other side. Finally, may you appreciate your own rich history, surround yourself with what you value most, and practice revitalizing self-care so your days are uniquely meaningful and rewarding.