Tobi Bowen

Caregiving – A Life Changing Role

If on the day you were born you were given the opportunity to create a picture album of your life, what pictures would you want to fill it with? How would your life unfold?

Although thought provoking and seemingly helpful, no one will ever know what their life will look like – nor can they anticipate what lies down their daily path because both the good and the bad shape us.

Think back to those seemingly important milestones in your life. Turning 18. Graduating from college. Landing that ever-important first job. Getting married. Giving birth to your first child.

We rarely choose to treasure the low points of our lives – although many are just as ingrained in our souls. The death of a loved one. Being fired. Finding that first gray hair. A divorce (or was that a high point??). In any case....

In his infinite wisdom Ben Franklin told us that the only things that we could be sure of were death and taxes. We certainly don’t have much control over our taxes – and although death is certain – we really can have some control over how quickly we take part in it – and the way we live our lives. The choices that we make are ours to own and then there comes a day………

a day that we’ve never expected but a day that we’ll never forget. The phone rings – the voice on the other end lets us know that our parent needs help. Life will never be the same. The roles have reversed and all of the days that they have spent with us – helping us to be better women – helping us to do for others and come to someone’s aid – all of that is about to be redeemed. They need us.

Our role in life has expanded to now take care of our parents.

So – let’s see – how do we add ‘Caregiver’ to the list of wife, mom, chauffeur, daughter, cook, housekeeper, manager, best friend, dog-walker, confidant – you get the point! As women – we’re accustomed to wearing multiple hats – and many we add to our wardrobe with ease.

Now - back to that photo album – where did I put that picture of me as a caregiver??? What page was it on? Hmmmm – maybe I put it in the back?? Wow! I didn’t add that one! What was I thinking – or then again – what wasn’t I thinking?

According to the North Carolina Division on Aging, families provide some type of care for over 75 percent of frail older adults and nearly 75 percent of family caregivers are women. The average caregiver is a 45-year-old married woman, most likely the daughter of the person for whom she cares. Thirty-one percent of women over 18 will care for both children and parents over their lifetime.

Each day - more women are becoming a part of the “sandwich generation.” Their expanded roles include that of a caregiver for their parents.

I am 40. My mother is 65. My grandmother is 95. Last month my grandmother fell and has been in rehab ever since – mending her fractured sacroiliac. Before this, she had been driving daily, teaching bridge twice a week and enjoyed reading her joke of the day that comes to her very own email account – that she could not do without!!! (Although it did take her about a month to remember how to ‘cut and paste’). My moms’ role with her mom has just changed.

With so many new questions to be answered about care, housing and the future – my mom didn’t know where to turn. Many people don’t.

Make yourself aware of the services that are available to you in your community. Granted – you may not need them today – but chances are that one day you will.

For comprehensive information, you can visit The Eldercare Locator, which is a public service of the U.S. Administration on Aging and connects older Americans and their caregivers with sources of information on senior services. In eight different languages, thiswebsite will help you get started. You may also call them at 1-800-677-1116 Monday through Friday 9:00 AM to 8:00 PM Eastern Time.

So – in case you haven’t done so already - the next time you pull out your photo album – don’t forget to add the picture of “the day your parent needed you.