5 Holiday Helper Tips for a
Genuinely Happy Holiday Season

It’s the beginning of November, and in my part of the world there's still color on the trees -- that wise, burnt gold of late fall. When I was a kid, this was the time for raking leaves, and jumping with abandon into the sweet-smelling pile. The Sears Christmas Wish Book wasn't due for another couple of weeks, and we didn't have TV (yes, I AM that old) -- so there were a few days respite before the Holiday Hungries were to begin.

Not so now -- and remember the definition of "nostalgia" as longing for something that never was. The Holiday Hungries started whetting their appetite before Labor Day, when plastic Santas and fake greens showed up on Wal-Mart shelves.

Some folks love it. Others find the holidays a pain.

I want to ask: given the culture in which we live -- and if you "do" the holidays at all (for all sorts of reasons, many people in our diverse culture do NOT) -- HOW CAN WE USE THE CULTURE to honor our values, rather than let the holiday pressures leave us feeling flayed?

Here are 5 Holiday Helper tips . . . use them to jumpstart your own thinking before the Holiday Hungries take hold of your days.

(1) Most people gain five pounds over the holiday season. DIET NOW, avoid the January rush. Seriously, my partner and I are devoting November to LOSING FIVE POUNDS, which means we'll enter The Season feeling good (nothing more virtuous than a successful dieter!), and with our eating habits at least somewhat under control. Want to join us? An on-line support group would be great fun!

(2) Give till it stops hurting . . . not by buying more and putting your credit cards over the top, but by thinking about what you really want to give, and TO WHOM. Is Aunt Susie on your gift list because you really want to say "I care" . . . or because her name has always been there? And what does Aunt Susie really need or want anyway? If she's like most respondents to seasonal surveys, what she'd like most this holiday season is a chunk of thoughtfulness, like a card recalling a memory of some special event you shared, or something Aunt Susie did that made a difference for you; or like a written promise of something you'll do for her, on demand, at some point in the coming year (organize her photographs? take her to the beach? clean her garage?)

Last year, my husband and I wrote poems -- bad poetry, but good caring -- saying what we especially love about the other person. On Christmas Day, we read our poems to one another -- and this remains one of my favorite memories of all time. Do yourself a favor . . . take that gift list seriously. Take time NOW to figure out something simple that will warm your gift recipient's heart, and your own.

(3) During the 17 years I worked as a parish minister, the only way my family got to have its own holiday was by doing our own holiday preparations early, i.e. have most of our decorating, gifts, food-planning done by the first week of December. This put clear boundaries around what was possible -- and resulted in a scaling down that has made the Holidays a delight. Now that I have a new career, the idea isn't necessary -- but it's a great one all the same. GET DONE EARLY -- and use the season itself to ENJOY. And if the task seems monumental . . .

(4) Look at your TO DO list. If it seems like a huge job -- IT PROBABLY IS. Stop. Think. WHAT IS THE ESSENCE of what you're trying to convey with this particular task? HOW CAN YOU GET THAT SAME ESSENCE with a whole lot less work? And if you're doing most of the Holiday preparations for your family or friends . . . what's in it for you?

(5) Maybe you really DO enjoy it, whether it's making cookies or stuffing a Turkey? Maybe you're doing it because it's an old SHOULD? Give yourself a Holiday Gift this season -- toss out those SHOULDS and let yourself feel the blessing of real enjoyment. YES, YOU CAN . . . I promise.

Happy Holidays, my friends.