Write Your Own Ticket

Second only to the crucial question, ‘What do you want?’, is

‘What are you doing?’

That can prompt us to honestly evaluate our actions and their impact on our lives. Understanding and actively influencing the multifaceted nature of our behavior is instrumental to making effective choices. When we recognize and take responsibility for the components of behavior within our control, we navigate more consciously and experience a greater sense of control in our lives and relationships.

Actions are the observable aspect of behavior. Actions are accompanied by thoughts, which give meaning to our experiences. Feelings and physiology combine to create our bodies’ emotional and physical signaling system. These four components converge in concert, creating a symphony of individual and collective perspectives.

While thoughts and actions are the components within our direct control, feelings and physiology are less voluntary, alerting us when conditions are not in our favor. Because our brain is designed for survival, it notices what doesn’t work and requires training to recognize when things are going well.

Perception is Reality

We believe what we perceive and we rely on our thoughts and feelings to give our experiences meaning. The good news is that we have control over that meaning through how we think about situations. It is exciting to realize that the single most influential factor in our lives--our attitude, is also one of the few things that is completely within our control. What we believe drives our behavior and manifests in our feelings and physiology. Accepting responsibility for all four components and acknowledging their impact on every aspect of our lives is a powerful productive strategy.

Yet placing primary focus on behavior without first taking the time to define our desires resembles a ready, fire, aim approach. We evaluate our behavior and the effectiveness of it through the results it gets. When we are clear about our desires, it is easier to measure the effectiveness of our actions.

Many people attempt to live life backwards: They DO the things they think they need to DO in order to HAVE what they believe they want, in an attempt to BE what they want to BE, often described as successful or happy.

Happiness does not come from success;
success comes from happiness.

When we honor who we are and express our authenticity through our attitudes and actions, we experience a sense of peace and power in our lives, unavailable through any other means.

With WHOM do you spend time?
Who do you surround yourself with? What relationships and interactions bring you the most pleasure? Do you have a success team or a cheering squad? People will either stretch your vision or choke your dreams, and it’s up to you whom you choose to spend time with. Common ground and shared values are at the core of long-term effective relationships. We tend to gravitate toward those who share our values and support our perceptions of the world. We also tend to adopt attitudes and behaviors of those we spend the most time with.

I attended a workshop years ago in which the facilitator asked the group how many had someone in their lives who supports and encourages their dreams. Of the dozen or so participants, only three raised their hands. I was amazed and hurt to hear that these people felt no one supported them.

I am blessed with a loving and encouraging husband who has been my biggest fan for as long as I can remember. As an extroverted entrepreneur, I find it challenging to work alone designing and promoting my business. As a result, I have organized a Mastermind group: A circle of like minded women with shared interests and values to brainstorm and share ideas in a safe and nurturing environment. We all need that, through our work and through our lives.

The people we spend time with shape our perception of ourselves in powerful and permanent ways. Evaluate your relationships, and the messages they send to you regarding yourself and your life. Invest in those that bring you pleasure, encouragement and strength. Abandon those that drain your energy and undermine your self-esteem.

I believe that everyone writes her own ticket in life. I challenge you to craft yours consciously to the destination of your dreams by defining your desires, choosing effective behaviors and evaluating your effectiveness. It takes courage to define who you really are and get what you really want in life. But your investment yields a powerful return.