My friend Yukiko, who had been battling stomach cancer for years, went in for her final hospital stay in July of 2004. After she was admitted to the hospital, my girlfriend, Sharon, and I visited her every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning. Some of our visits were 30 minutes long while others lasted three hours. With every visit, we walked away with a special memory. I think what I will remember most, however, are the life lessons I learned from my friend.

I learned that at the end of my life I want my best girlfriends around me to tell me “girlfriend” stories and make me giggle until it hurts. We spent many hours sharing stories about growing up, falling in love for the first time, the first moment we knew our husbands were “it,” getting married, getting pregnant, being moms, daughters, and wives, confessing our many sins. Some of our stories were touching, others the kind that made you laugh until you cried.

I learned that laughter could literally fill a room, as well as fill your spirit and soul. While Yukiko did not have a lot of physical energy, the spiritual energy she was gaining from our stories and from our laughter was tremendous. Sharon can spin a tale better than most anyone I know, so my favorite thing to do was to prompt her to tell one of her hit lists of silly, make you double over in laughter, side splitting stories. She always delivered in her effervescing style and filled the room (and sometimes the hallways) with laughter and positive energy.

I learned you could be gracious and thoughtful while you are throwing up. It was a rare visit when Yukiko didn’t throw up. There wasn’t one of us that minded helping her sit up, giving her a warm washcloth or helping her tuck her hair behind her ears. Yukiko always apologized and we repeatedly told her we were just glad we could help her in some small way. One day as she was throwing up, she reached for a Kleenex as usual. On this day, however, she gave it to me since she saw I had a runny nose. She continually thought of others before herself.

I learned that one smile could radiate more warmth and love than paragraphs of words. When we walked into the room, Yukiko, almost without fail, beamed with her very broad and very beautiful smile. For the rest of my life I know I will remember her sweet and radiant smile as it always let me know I was welcome and wanted.

I learned that little things really do matter. Yukiko has a wonderful friend, Keiko, who came in very stealth like and emptied the flower vases and put new water in them. She wiped Yukiko’s face and applied a bit of perfume on Yukiko’s arm. These little things allowed Yukiko to feel better, and surrounded all who entered with the beauty of the flowers, seeing our girlfriend at her best. Small random acts of kindness make the world a better place for all of us.

I learned the room really does fill up with angels and music at the end of your life. Yukiko talked about the other people she would see in the room. I believe she was seeing angels. One day she told me that she was hearing music and she wished someone would change the channel. There was no music playing in the room that I could hear, but I told her that she needed to change the channel and think of songs she wanted to hear. She fell back asleep for a little while and then awoke saying, “it worked, I changed the channel.” She could hear the music our ears couldn’t.

I learned that your mother is always with you even though she is literally on the other side of the earth. Yukiko told us during the last days of her life that she felt her mother was right next to her even though we knew physically her mother was in Japan. We told her that we didn’t see her next to her, but we were sure her spirit was indeed with her. I do believe a mother’s energy force does not know time and space, but is ever present with us.

I learned that love could hold a person even when you aren’t with her. Yukiko lived a lot longer than ever anticipated by the doctors because she felt the collective love of her friends and family at the end of her life. She waited and longed for the next visit to hear another story and to share another tale. She held on so she could continue to be with her husband whom she loved so dearly. She wanted to know how the lives of her children were unfolding and so their visits were precious to her. Yukiko knew the boundless love we had for her and it stayed in her heart, soul and spirit even when we weren’t there.

I am grateful Yukiko allowed me to spend some of her last days with her. I am grateful she shared so much of herself with me. I am grateful I got to see how a graceful and dignified woman goes about the journey we call dying. And of course, I am grateful for the lessons she taught me during the journey at the end of her life. I know my Yukiko has just begun to really live her best life – her life in Heaven. And I thank her for helping me to live a better life while I am here on Earth.

Yukiko Kane passed away at 6:30 PM on August 27th as her husband, John, held her hand.