Surviving the Office Bully

Surviving a bully in the office is possible and can be empowering! It may be difficult to believe if you are currently dealing with a bully in your office. A bully can be intentionally cruel, loud, disruptive, dominating, intimidating, and controlling. Just reading these adjectives of a bully can make us recall all too well the last bullying situation we encountered (It’s amazing what emotions can be stirred in us at the thought of a bully). Bullies tend to make us feel inadequate, frightened, and intimidated, and resentful of their control over us. This is when the bully wins and we lose. So, how do we turn this situation around and survive the bully in the office?

Let’s make an attempt to understand bullies. Bullies are actually weak individuals who feel that their only weapon for success is to intimidate and control others around them. Bullies often feel out of control in some areas of their lives, so they are searching for any area they can control. Bullies are loud or pushy in order to intimidate on purpose. In reality, bullies hate confrontation.

It is that fear of confronting someone so cruel, loud, dominating, intimidating, and controlling that keeps us stressed and avoiding bullies.

Once you begin to understand bullies (or more accurately, their behavior), you can begin your survival strategy to overcome the situation and empower yourself.

The first step in your strategy is to step back emotionally from the situation. Remove the negative emotions a bully conjures in you and look at the situation as if you were an outsider. Do not take it personally. Look at the situation as a whole. What do you know about the bully? Is she dealing with personal stresses? Does she have personal issues? You may or may not be able to answer. What is her background? In what areas has she been succeeded or failed? Once you begin to review the situation (minus your emotions), a bully’s insecurities may become clear to you.

The second step is to remain focused on the facts. What are the facts of the situation and what is the desired goal? Focusing on the facts will help you to leave out your emotions. Without your emotions to prey upon, a bully has no power. Read that again:

Without your emotions to prey upon, a bully has no power!

The strongest weapon a bully has is the emotions she creates in you. Bullies expect you to run. Your survival strategy includes taking a firm stand; no running.

The third step in your survival strategy is to confront the bully. Remember, the bully hates confrontation, so she may be more afraid than you! (There is no doubt that this is a scary thought, but remember that “fear” stands for False Evidence Appearing Real.) Review the situation, identify the inappropriate behavior, focus on the facts, and outline the solutions. Plan a private meeting with the bully. Plan your meeting well so that you address all the issues. Have notes to reference if needed. (Another consideration to keep in mind: Do you share a supervisor? Is there someone in human resources you could bring in if necessary?) Begin with something positive. What does the bully have to offer? How do the two of you work well together? Get her in an agreement mode. Address the inappropriate behavior in factual, non-emotional statements. Identify the inappropriate behavior and the consequences of continuing the behavior. Let the bully know that her inappropriate behavior will not lead to success, and that the goal for both of you is to successfully work together. Let her know and that you have a genuine interest in working out your differences. Take a stand and remain steadfast!

When the bully realizes she does not need to control you, and that you are, in fact, not a threat to her, she may become your best ally. In order to be successful, you must remove your emotions and focus on the facts. The result just may be surviving the office bully and feeling empowered because you stood up to your fear.