The Gift

This past May my sister-in-law, Mary, at the age of 45, died of a massive heart attack. The shock of such a vibrant and giving woman dying made it impossible for my family and I to take it in. At the services we held in her honor there were an overwhelming number of people in attendance. People were literally overflowing into the streets.

My family and I were so numb through both of the services that remembering them is like watching a movie. My brother and his friends came up with the idea of having a memorial service on Mary’s birthday in September. My brother wanted some time to pass in order for us all to incorporate into our lives that Mary had indeed passed. For me personally, I still have difficulty really believing she is gone. I keep thinking she will give me a call and laugh her effervescent laugh and all will be back to normal.

For her memorial service we were each to write a note to Mary. I wrote a page worth of thank you’s and remembrances. One thing that I put in the note to her, which continues to bring tears to my eyes, is, “Thank you for loving my brother with every ounce of your being.” I realized at the end of Mary’s life, the greatest gift she gave to me was that she loved my brother to her core.

My mother and I occasionally have a discussion about how amazed she is that she has “four such terrific kids.” She looks at me as if she doesn’t understand how this happened. In her mind it was either by divine intervention or by luck of the draw.

But I consistently tell her, “You always told us you loved us. Every morning when we got up you told us you loved us. And every night when we went to bed you told us you loved us. There was never a time where we didn’t know you loved us.” Now when I speak these words to her, it is a rare occasion where I don’t cry. You see, her abiding love is something that cuts into my very heart and soul. The one thing I am most grateful for is the love of my parents.

There is something about love that we think is “not that important” – or that our love “doesn’t mean that much.” And yet the selfless giving of our love is what makes the real difference in other people’s lives.

When we feel truly loved by someone else, we feel we can face any challenge life should give us. When we feel deeply loved we feel we can become any dream we have. When we feel unconditional love we feel truly empowered. When we feel love to our core we feel we are vital beings in this world. True love sustains us.

Years ago I read a story about a father who got what he thought was an empty box from his daughter as a present. The father did not understand why his daughter would just give him a box. He asked her about the box with a bit of a “put out” tone. She responded sweetly, “I filled the box with my kisses.” That father at that moment realized he owned a “treasure box” as it was filled with the greatest gift that father could ever receive from his daughter – the gift of her love.

Our love is strength. Our love is hope. Our love is everlasting.

May love define you