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The
Reality of Domestic Violence
by Laura Hilton,
Director of Communications,
Interact of Wake County, North Carolina
Mae’s
Story*
(These are true stories; however, the victims’ names
have been changed.)
“My
husband and I were high school sweethearts.
He had a love for politics, sports, life and he knew exactly
where he was going. We had a perfect marriage—until
that first hit.
At first, I took his
behavior as total love and protection for me. He controlled
my every action, my every move—even going to the bathroom.
He was an awesome father
to my children, but he was unbelievably mean to me.
One
night he took me behind an abandoned warehouse; there, he
raped me and beat me. I thought I would die there. I
finally convinced him that if he killed me, our three kids
would be homeless, and he would be in prison.
I wanted to
do everything I possibly could to keep my family together.
When I finally decided to leave, I wanted to say
I had given my marriage my all. I did everything I could
and realized that it was not enough…I
knew I had to go when I realized the message I was sending
to my children about abuse.
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| photo
courtesy Michael Back's Studios |
After a horrible beating
one night, I went to a local
hospital and a representative from Interact met me there.
They were a total support for me. Their
assistance got me to the point of belief that I could make
it on my own. I could be a single mom with three
kids knowing that it’s possible to go on with my life...”
What
is Domestic Violence?
The threat of or the use of violence or intimidation, by
an intimate partner to gain and maintain power and control
over another person. Physical,
verbal, emotional, sexual and financial/economic—these
are some of the different types of abuse imposed on victims
of domestic violence.
Just
The Facts
The real facts about domestic violence are shocking. On
an average day in North Carolina, 100 women are victims
of rape or attempted rape (data
provided by North Carolina Coalition Against Sexual Assault).
One out of every four women will experience domestic violence
in her lifetime, and 50 percent of all homeless women and
children in the US are fleeing from domestic violence situations
(data provided by The
National Institute of Justice and the Centers for Disease
Control and Prevention).
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| photo courtesy
Dylan Bost, Ulanguzi |
Domestic
violence impacts and affects everyone. It
doesn’t discriminate against age, race or income and
can be found in every fabric of our community; from
country club settings to less affluent communities alike.
Red
Flags
Awareness is the first step to help keep friends, family
and loved ones safe. Some warning signs to watch are when
a partner:
- Isolates you from
friends and family
- Controls
your income
- Keeps you from
getting/keeping a job
- Calls
you names
- Tells you that
you’re stupid or worthless
- Hits,
pushes, strangles, punches or throws objects at you
- Forces you to
have sex
- Threatens
or intimidates you or your children
Make
a Difference For Domestic Violence
Even if you are not in a domestic violence situation or
know of anyone who is, you can still make a difference.
Here are ways you can help:
- Become
an Interact Volunteer
- Donate goods,
resources or funds to support victims of domestic violence
or sexual assault.
- Visit www.interactofwake.org
for more information.
- Visit www.PersonalShopper.com
and click on “My Shoppe” to share your shopping
preferences. For every visitor who logs in, PersonalShopper
will donate $5 to Interact, up to $5000 as part of special
community project.
About
Interact
Interact is a private, nonprofit
United Way Agency, that provides safety, support and awareness
to victims and survivors of domestic violence and rape/sexual
assault. Interact also promotes violence-free
relationships and communities through collaboration, public
information, education and advocacy. To find out more, contact
919/828-7501 or visit www.interactofwake.org.
About
PersonalShopper.com
PersonalShopper.com is partnering with Interact
this month to help make a difference with Interact moms
in need. PersonalShopper.com is a new, free, time-saving
service that scours millions of products online to find
deals and items from your favorite brands and tailored gift
ideas for all occasions. The Web site helps you select the
perfect gifts and saves you time and money. Experience the
art of brilliant gift giving at PersonalShopper.com.
More Personal
Stories about Domestic Violence
Dave’s
Story
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| photo courtesy
Dylan Bost, Ulanguzi |
“My
sister was an extremely smart, fun-loving person. We
were sidekicks, best friends and only two years apart. She
always was the kind of person who encouraged others to do
better, help them see their gifts, do more with their life.
Her encouragement was contagious
and she always had this positive impact on anyone she touched.
She had just graduated from college and
received her acceptance letter to medical school.
One day, her and her
fiancé were having an argument. She had gotten
approval from the bank for a loan to build a house.
They both disagreed over whether or not they should get
the house and how they could make it work. She
was showing her husband on the computer on how it made sense
financially for both of them. Her
fiancé then took a 29-pound wooden chair and repeatedly
started beating my sister with it. He continued
doing this until she finally made it outside and collapsed.
She died that day and I never saw my sister again.
In
the end, her heart was her downfall—because all she
could see was the good in everyone, including her fiancé.
She couldn’t see the bad in him and it killed her…”
Kim’s
Story
“Everything
was great in my marriage in public, but behind closed doors
at home was a different story. It
was my second marriage, and I thought I had to do everything
to keep it together. I didn’t want to fail again.
Every day, our relationship
became a bit more brutal. A slap in the face one day, a
punch in the back of the shoulders, a slap aside the head
with a full beer can. On my
21st birthday, I got my two front teeth knocked out and
a black eye. I was hit in the head with
a lampshade and a fist split my nose open. I went
to work with my sunglasses on.
My supervisor took
one look at me and took me aside. She
made some phone calls and took me to Interact.
I was very alone and I didn’t want anyone to know
that I couldn’t handle it. It’s through the
grace of God that I’m here. At
Interact, they helped me get my self-esteem and self-worth
back. They gave me a sense of hope to go
on living…”
http://www.nccasa.org
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/nij/ and http://www.cdv.gov
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