The Power of Saying “No”

We are in a season in which activities and demands are picking up. There are more schedules to manage and more pulls on our time. In general, we want to be helpful and accommodating to people. As a result, we hate to say “No.” People often do anything to avoid this word: We will avoid people, redirect conversations, make excuses, be non-committal, or simply say “Yes” to things we know we will have a hard time following through on. The reality of the situation is that we simply cannot do everything. When we keep saying “Yes” to things, we are adding on more stuff to our plate, which causes stress, frustration, and an overwhelmed feeling. Even though we would like to answer “Yes” to everything, in order to have a peaceful life that contains quality, balance and basic sanity, we must learn how to say “No.”

How do you do it? When you say “Yes” to a new activity, you have to say “No” to remove something else that is already on your full plate. Here is how:

1. Be clear on your priorities and what is important.
If you are not clear, you will not have a compelling reason to say “No” when you feel drawn to accept a new item on your plate. Try to strike a balance with the Essential Eight: family, friends, work, health, budgeting, fun, physical space (home, office, car), and personal growth (spiritual, educational, personal development). For example, for family, you could commit to spending five hours a day taking care of your family and making sure their needs are met, and for work you could commit to spending eight hours a day working on projects that produce an income of $5000/month in order to provide for your family.

2. Set filters for each of your Essential Eight areas.
You want to list your Essential Eight in order of priority, and set a filter for each (take the purpose/goal for each area and then be clear on what fits and what does not). Take special note of the proportion each area is getting. If priority one is family, two is work, three is health, and you have committed 100% to work, with no time allotted for family or for personal care, several negative things will happen. Your health will suffer, which will then jeopardize your physical ability to complete your work. Your family will also interrupt and demand superhuman feats for you to squeeze their needs onto your already full plate. These filters will help you discern to what things you need to say “No” to in order to maintain balance.

3. Evaluate what is on your plate.
Considering each of the Essential Eight areas and your priorities, determine what your needs are. Do you need it or not? Consider your balance so you have some big projects (meat), some personal care (veggies), some daily necessities (good grain/fillers), and a hobby/fun thing (dessert). These are the things to which you are saying “Yes!”

4. Say “No” to the things that do not meet your filters.
These may be the least important things on your list, or new things that come up in your life. Remember that whenever you say “Yes” to something you are saying “No” to something else. If you say “Yes” to a weekend project at work, you are saying “No” to your family time that weekend (You may not have to specifically tell your family “No” but that will be the result). If you say “Yes” to volunteer at the evening carnival, you are saying “No” to your workout, which could result in your being more tired and lethargic, and therefore less productive the next day.

When you say “No” you have more power to say “Yes” to what is important. Remember that “No” can mean “Never,” but it can also mean, “No, not right now.” Let yourself have some space to do what is important. You will experience the power of balance and boundaries, which will result in you being more effective and productive. You will enjoy less stress and more peace with your life.