Take Two Laughs and
Think About It in the Morning

Many of us have heard that laughter is the best medicine. Some of us may even know about scientific research linking laughter to a healthy heart, reducing stress, increasing memory and alertness, and nurturing hope. So, it just may be that laughter can be a therapeutic ally for maintaining sanity amidst holiday chaos.

Recently, I conducted an informal survey at a laughter exercise program. Participants were asked to list their primary stress inducing activities during the holidays. Here’s what they said:

• “Honey-do” list gets longer
• Family expectations, e.g., doing activities because the family has always done it that way
• Visiting out-of-town family
• Entertaining family, e.g., concerned about everyone getting along; handling disapproving attitudes; wanting everything to be “perfect” when family comes for the holidays
• Increased year-end work schedule
• Gift giving, e.g., trying to find the right presents for the kids; spending too much money; crowded malls
• Holiday performances, e.g., increased practice and rehearsal time

You may find your primary stress inducing activity in the list above, or you may have additional ones. Whatever creates stress for you during the holidays, laughter exercise programs can lighten your mental workload and elevate your mood. Here are some of the underlying principles at work in a laughter exercise program.

Motion creates emotion.

One of the fundamental concepts in a laughter exercise program is “motion creates emotion”. It’s a “fake it until you make it” approach, because we don’t use jokes or humor to stimulate the laughter. We simulate laughter using vowel sounds of hee-hee, ha-ha, and ho-ho in combination with familiar movements to produce laughter exercises. It means we create positive energy with act-as-if behaviors.

One of my favorite Peanuts cartoons reinforces this concept. Charlie Brown is demonstrating his “depressed stance” to Lucy. He’s standing with his head bent towards the ground and shoulders slumped. He’s explaining to Lucy that when one is depressed, it makes a difference how one stands. “The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you’ll start to feel better,” he says as he stands erect, shoulders squared and his head held high. The last frame of the cartoon shows Charlie Brown resuming his “depressed stance” while saying, “If you’re going to get any joy out of being depressed, you’ve got to stand like this.”

This is true for us, too. The way we act influences the way we feel. One of the easiest ways to create positive feelings is to smile, even when we’re feeling overwhelmed by a long honey-do list or entertaining family. Mother Teresa, humanitarian and missionary, put it this way in her Nobel lecture: “Let us make one point, that we meet each other with a smile, when it is difficult to smile. Smile at each other, make time for each other in your family.”

Here’s a fun exercise we often do in laughter programs to get our smiles started. We call it the “Smile Igniter.”

Smile Igniter Instructions: Hold a straw (or pen or other long thin object) in your teeth crosswise. Be sure that your lips do not touch the straw. Hold this pose for three minutes. This simulates a smile and will trigger a positive biochemical reaction in your brain that can improve your mood.

This is a great exercise to do when you’re stuck in traffic gridlock at the mall; when you’re feeling cranky about spending time with people you feel you “should” be spending time with during the holidays; or maybe when you’re about to explode because you’ve been standing in line for hours trying to purchase the “just gotta have” toy or electronic gear on someone’s gift wish list. You can even use this technique to increase your enjoyment while doing a family “should.”

Laughter is Contagious

Years ago a colleague said to me, “Marilyn, choose carefully the company you keep because you become the average of the top five people you spend the most time with. If you’re the only one bringing up the average, you’re hanging out with the wrong people.” I’ve always remembered this sage advice. And it’s especially important for combating holiday stress.

It may be true that there are more demands on our time, yet shopping, entertaining, decorating, and traveling can be fun when we surround ourselves with people who love to laugh. Maybe that’s because laughter is contagious in two important ways: by how it sounds (auditory cues) and by how people’s faces look when they’re laughing (visual cues).

The sound of true mirthful laughter is warm and inviting. When we hear it we want to join in, even when we don’t know what’s funny or why someone is laughing. In addition, when we observe the facial expression of someone who is engaged in true mirthful laughter, our brain sends us an “all clear” safety message. It says it’s OK to relax and have fun, so tension takes a break.

Throughout this holiday season, make a special effort to seek out individuals with a sense of humor and who like to laugh. This might mean sprinkling family gatherings with “chosen family.” These are individuals that you love to be with, always feel uplifted in their presence and experience a heightened sense of well-being after you’ve spent time with them. I’ve discovered that including “chosen family” when I’m entertaining family ensures that the contagious effect of laughter permeates the environment and uplifts everyone’s spirit.

A quote I recently discovered seems to reinforce the powerful impact laughter is for us. Orison Swett Marden, author of the original American success book Pushing to the Front*, said “A good laugh makes us better friends with ourselves and everybody around us.” Could it be that a good laugh is the prescription for strengthening family relationships, especially the ones that are causing us to be concerned about everyone getting along?

Embrace the Human Condition.

One of the basic values emphasized in a laughter exercise program is non-perfectionism, meaning embrace the human condition. Two of my best role models and teachers who put this into action on a daily basis are my dogs, Precious, an itty, bitty black and white female Shih Tzu, and Spirit, a frisky white male Bichon Frise. Even when I’m late getting home from a meeting and they’ve had to wait to go out for their walk, or I forget to fill their water dish, or I speak harshly when I’m in a hurry, they still wag their tails and greet me with an exuberant expression of unconditional love. They have a special way of shrugging off the ineptness of my human condition and loving me anyway. Can you imagine what would happen to strained family relationships if we were able to demonstrate the same kind of unconditional love to our family that our pets extend to us?

My husband and I have a saying that helps us overcome our perfectionistic tendencies and acknowledge our humanness. It originated years ago when Steele and I were having a heated discussion. I left the room and started stomping up the stairs. I stopped suddenly, smacked my hand on the banister and shouted, “I’m just a grown woman doing the best I can.” It took us both by surprise. There was a pregnant moment of silence and then we burst out laughing. Whatever we were arguing about was suddenly forgotten.

Today, we still say “I’m just a grown man/woman doing the best I can” whenever we make a mistake, or catch ourselves judging others, or placing unrealistic demands on ourselves or others. It’s an easy way to lighten up the expectations we place on ourselves and others throughout the holiday season.

Another way to remain calm when your perfectionistic tendencies create stress is to give yourself time to think about how you want to respond. I call it the Scarlet O’Hara approach, direct from her starring role in Gone with the Wind**. Who can forget her famous line “I'll think about it tomorrow. Tara! Home. I'll go home, and I'll think of some way to get him back! After all, tomorrow is another day!”? Indeed, tomorrow is another day and a good night’s rest can clear your mind and help you feel relaxed and more capable of handling any situation.

Yes, the holiday season may place increased demands on your time as you strive to do holiday shopping, entertaining, decorating, and traveling. And yes, you may find you’re under more tension and stress as family gathers for holiday celebrations. So, give yourself a gift, one that won’t break your budget yet is guaranteed to reduce your stress and help you gain a new perspective. Take two laughs and think about it in the morning. I guarantee a smile, a laugh, and a good night’s rest will help you keep your sanity amidst holiday chaos.