Cher Holton, Ph.D. You can manage your life when you manage yourself … and you can manage yourself when you manage your choices! It doesn’t matter what great things you accomplish in life, until you have inner peace and harmony. Once you have inner peace and harmony, it doesn’t matter what great things you accomplish in life.

Gifts of Love:
How to Love Yourself By Sharing Yourself

Take a look at your hand. Turn it over so the palm is facing up, and pay close attention to your finger tips. Do you realize that at the end of each finger is a print that is uniquely yours? There is no other print in the world like the one on each of your fingers. As amazing as that is, it cannot begin to compare to the special gifts you possess—gifts that make you as unique as the prints on the ends of your fingers. So often we take our gifts for granted, and waste our time and energy wishing we could do something someone else can do. This February, the month of love, is the perfect time to start loving yourself by recognizing your distinctive gifts and begin sharing them with the world.

At this point, you may be thinking, “Great! But how do I express my gifts when I don’t even know what they are? And who really cares anyway?”

Let’s address the second question first. The world cares. Here is a principle you can take to the bank: There is no one in the world who can do what you do—the way you do it! Take a moment to let that sink in. You possess gifts and talents that can only be expressed by you. So spend some time valuing who you are, and what you offer that makes you uniquely you.

Now back to that pesky first question: How do you express your gifts? Here is a three-phase process to help you get started becoming the very best YOU you can be!

• Discover
In his book, The Art of Selfishness,* David Seabury shares a story about how they dig for diamonds in South Africa. The workers actually move tons of dirt, the sole purpose being to discover pebbles the size of a fingernail.

As you search for your true gifts, be willing to cull through all the possible things you could do: your interests, your skills, your burning desires—to discover the jewel, the gift, that makes you uniquely who you are.

Ask yourself what you enjoy doing.

You know what I’m talking about. Your ears perk up when you hear anything about it; you are attracted to it like a magnet.

Listen to what people say to you. Their compliments and positive feedback are clues about what makes you stand out.

• Develop
All the “masters” spend a lot of time practicing and honing their skill, their gifts. Just because it’s natural doesn’t mean it comes fully developed. I have two friends who are violinists in the North Carolina Symphony. When you have the privilege of hearing them play, it is more than hearing music—it is a total experience—auditory, visual, and emotional! I never cease to be amazed when I hear them talking about how often they practice—every day! It takes a true commitment to getting better that will hone your gifts to a level where you can love yourself as you express them, and others can love receiving them.

Don’t worry about the time you are spending in this personal development, thinking you are not being rewarded appropriately. When I worked for the Postal Service in a “past life,” I remember taking on a project to develop a Postal Employee Development Center for our district. People thought I was nuts for accepting that additional responsibility with no increase in pay. But I knew I was magnetically drawn to the field of training, and I willingly accepted the challenge. That opportunity gave me an unbelievable amount of experience in the training industry, preparing me for my future!

• Demonstrate
This is the really important phase. It does no one any good if you just keep developing your gifts, but never share them. Look for opportunities to put your gifts into action, even if you don’t think you’re ready. Go for it! In fact, it is your RESPONSIBIITY to share your gift with the world! You will find that every time you express your gifts to others, you enhance your ability to use them—and you learn to love yourself more in the process.

As a Valentine gift, here are several affirmations that can help as you discover, develop, and demonstrate your gifts. Let the right ones pick you—and give the gift of your unique self to the world.

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*Seabury, David. The Art of Selfishness: How to Deal With the Tyrants and Tyrannies In Your Life. New York: Pocket Books, 1983.