Answering the Call to Adopt;
how Deana joined our family
By Liza Weidle

Every November, I read the articles about National Adoption Month. And each year, the call to adopt rings harder, louder, and longer than any of my maternal urges to give birth to another child.

For years, my husband and I studied different adoption possibilities. We quickly ruled out any options that included a newborn. I am too old for diapers and 2 a.m. bottle feedings. Plus, finding a healthy newborn is a challenge. It is possible that a baby available for adoption can have fetal alcohol syndrome and a multitude of other debilitating health issues. The wait for babies can take more than a year and the expense as high as $40,000.

We thought about international adoption agencies for older children and decided that wasn’t for us either. For one, I hate flying, and adopting a child from another country may require multiple visits. This drives up the expenses, which range from $7,000 to $27,000. The paperwork seems mind-boggling and with each country having different rules to comply with before considering our home as suitable, the wait can be extraordinarily long. More importantly, I know the challenges of raising an older child would be compounded with language and cultural barriers.

The stories that tug most often at my heart come from the reports of more than 100,000 children in the United States waiting for a place to call home. Most of the children waiting for adoption have been hurt from abuse or neglect. Their lives have been hard ones. Some never had a chance to be a kid. Most are taken abruptly from their homes to enter the foster care world. With all their belongings stuffed into a trash bag, hurt children wait for someone like you or me to find room in their home and heart for one more child.

I wondered how I could possibly help an abused or neglected child. Money would ease some of their pain—but not give them the love they so richly deserve. I didn’t think I had what it would take to adopt a foster child.

A friend’s story
About two years ago, we started following the story of my friend who was in the process of fostering-to-adopt a child through Children’s Home Society (CHS). She talked about going to parenting classes and completing a home study, a report done by CHS that includes background, education, and parenting philosophies, having background checks done, going in for medical checkups, completing income verification forms; the list went on.

It seems odd that nearly anyone can have children the old-fashioned way, but to adopt a foster child requires much preparation from a couple. After a six-month approval process, my friend and her husband were certified foster parents. Amazingly, their adoption costs were coming in at under $100 for filing fees. Caring for a foster child placed in their home could be substantial. Once adopted, the costs would be similar to those of a child born biologically.

The first case CHS brought for them to consider included five siblings. How could there be so many in one family needing a home? How could anyone decide on just one? My friend couldn’t. A 12-year-old girl and a 6-month-old boy moved into their home and promises were made to stay in touch with the other siblings.

No turning back
After hearing their story, I thought there was no way we could subject ourselves to such an intensive adoption process. Boy, was I wrong. As soon as my friend’s children came for a visit, I knew there was no turning back. The baby looked so much like my younger son when he was little: Blond hair, bright blue eyes, and the sweetest smile. It took one moment looking into the eyes of the children my friend had so warmly welcomed as her family to change me from “I don’t think I can do this” to “What are we waiting for?”

Last November the call to adopt was an incessant gonging sound that wouldn’t stop. We started the foster-to-adopt process by making a call to the local Children’s Home Society. This past year, the scrutiny of social services has tested our family in ways I couldn’t predict. We have learned new phrases such as “forever family” to describe what we hoped we could provide for a child. Our two sons had to be a part of the approval process—no background checks on them, but CHS did require medical examinations and interviews. Our home was inspected by the Fire Marshal. We now have an official fire escape plan posted downstairs, fire escape ladders in all bedrooms, and large fire extinguishers hung in prominent places.

The waiting
Once certified as foster parents, the wait began. We waited. And waited. And waited. We kept busy cleaning out closets, rearranging furniture, and more, in order to have the now-empty bedroom as close to ready for a child to move in as it could be. It reminded me of the nesting urge when I was pregnant; only this time around, we couldn’t buy much ahead of time. We wanted the new addition to our family to choose his or her bed and bathroom colors, as well as the type of furniture. Plus, there was no way of knowing what size clothing he or she might need.

Finally, in September, the call came. There was a girl matching our family profile ready to meet us. After a long and smooth transition from her foster home, Deana moved in November 4. She’s 10 years old and a perfect fit for our family. She loves the outdoors, reading, and has brought so much joy and laughter to our home. We have a long road ahead of us as we begin court hearings to finalize her adoption as well as making plans to keep her in close contact with her five siblings.

There are so many wonderful people that have helped us along the way. The social workers, therapists, and Guardian Ad Litem are now like family and will continue to support us.

Looking back, I can see God’s hand working every step of the way to make our home and our hearts ready for Deana.

Think you have room in your home and heart for one more in your family? Don’t hesitate. There are so many children counting on you. Visit the Children’s Home Society Web site today for more information: http://www.chsnc.org/.