Mirrors

“Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the most beaaaauuuutttiiuffulll of them all?”

What did you say? Certainly not me!?

Isn’t there something quite unsettling about staring at your reflection in the mirror? If you are like me, you could count the gray hairs and become exasperated when you get to 100. You could see all of the blemishes seemingly coming out of every pore on your face. You could see those little lines that have now become engrained wrinkles. You could see the youthful face that you once knew transforming itself into something you don’t even recognize.

I have spent a lot of time in my life either looking at my “toes grow,” “gazing at my navel,” or—as this piece goes—“staring in the mirror” to see who I really am, not just the outward me, but the real me. Years ago, I went to a women’s conference and I heard a speaker say “pretend like you have a video camera on the top of your head all day. At the end of the day, reflect on all of your interactions.

I thought, “This is simple, I will try that.” (Warning! Warning! If you don’t want to see yourself, don’t do this!) As you would expect, I saw some things where I patted myself on the back and said “job well done.” And then other times, I realized that because I had ignored that person earlier in the day, they ignored me later in the day. I realized that the tone of voice I used was the tone I heard back. It was a stark lesson for me on how my actions do indeed cause reactions. It has been such a useful exercise that I still “pretend” every once in a while so I can see who I really am.

Another good friend of mine shared with me that at the end of every year she takes stock of the year that was. She thinks through the happy times, the sad times, the joys of family, the sorrows and wounds of her heart, and the moments of encouragement and laughter. She thinks of the hopes she had for the year and how those either came true or didn’t. She thinks about her life and what she accomplished. She also reflects on how she could have done things better throughout the year. Then, every New Year’s Day, she sets her new goals based upon what she still wishes and hopes for as well as any new goals she has for herself. I loved this and so I incorporated it into what I do at the end of each year and the beginning of the next. It serves as a good mirror into how you are being transformed (or not being transformed) as a person.

I am currently at Divinity School at Duke University. I think all seminaries are academically rigorous, and Duke certainly is no exception to that! I do indeed spend a good bit of time studying and writing papers on Church History and the Bible. However, to be honest with you, I think the majority of my time is spent staring into the deep recesses of my being to see myself as I really am. Am I really the person that God intended me to be or do I have areas in me that need to be examined and changed? Am I really spending my time in such a way that would be pleasing to God or am I flittering away precious moments on things that are of little importance? Am I spending my money on things that will have a lasting affect or is it just to fill my belly? Am I giving myself to others in a way to show the love and compassion of Jesus or am I consumed in my own self pity? Am I fulfilling my real mission of being that arm, shoulder and ear of love or am I so consumed with the grades I make on my tests and essays? Who am I? Or maybe a better question is Whose am I?

In other words, I have come to the realization that it really doesn’t matter what the mirror in the bathroom tells you. What matters the most is what the mirror to your heart and to your soul says. It is the inward self that needs to be renewed and transformed each day.