Commikaze: Are You Committing
Communication Suicide?
Good
communication
skills
are
crucial
everywhere,
from
the
boardroom
to
the
bedroom.
When
you
commit
“commikaze”—communication
suicide—it
probably
creates
more
misunderstandings
and
problems
in
human
relations
than
any
real
insults
or
attacks
do.
Recognizing
those
communication
minefields
is
the
first
step
toward
improving
your
communication
skills
and
therefore
your
personal
and
professional
success.
Here
are
some
of
the
ways
you
could
be
committing
communication
suicide:
1.
Wimpy
word
choices.
Suppose
you
asked
a
colleague
to
handle
something
for
you,
and
he
replied,
“I’ll
see
what
I
can
do.”
How
convinced
are
you
that
he’ll
really
get
it
done?
Suppose,
instead,
he
said,
“I’ll
take
care
of
it.”
Doesn’t
that
instill
your
trust
in
him?
Talking
positively
enhances
people’s
confidence
in
you.
2.
How
you
sound.
While
what
you
say
is
important,
how
you
say
it
is
what
really
conveys
the
meaning.
Sarcasm
or
boredom
in
your
voice
is
a
turn
off.
Mumbling
is
frustrating
to
hear.
A
speedy
rate
of
talking
can
lose
listeners.
A
monotone
will
put
people
to
sleep.
Employ
vocal
variety
to
make
your
speech
patterns
interesting
and
make
people
want
to
listen
to
you.
3.
How
you
look.
Nonverbal
qualities
account
for
55%
of
our
communication
impact.
Facial
expressions,
posture,
eye
communication,
attire,
body
language,
and
gestures
all
communicate
volumes.
When
you
don’t
smile,
sit
slouched
over,
employ
closed,
defensive
body
language,
can’t
look
people
in
the
eye
when
you’re
talking
(or
listening),
or
wear
inappropriate
attire
for
the
workplace
or
the
occasion,
people
will
automatically
discount
you
without
you
ever
having
opened
your
mouth.
Be
aware
of
your
nonverbals
and
project
energy
and
confidence
so
you
will
instill
people’s
trust
in
you.
4.
Lax
listening.
When
people
believe
you’re
not
listening,
it
creates
a
disconnect
that’s
almost
impossible
to
overcome.
There
is
an
art
to
effective
listening,
and
it’s
called
active
listening.
Think
of
your
EAR.
Engage
the
speaker:
Look
her
in
the
eye
and
use
vocal
cues
(“uh-huh,”
“really,”
“I
see”)
to
let
her
know
you’re
listening.
Actually
hear
what
he’s
saying:
Pay
attention;
don’t
let
your
mind
wander;
take
notes
if
that
will
help
you
follow
along.
Respond
appropriately:
An
appropriate
response
is
not:
“Oh
yeah,
that’s
too
bad.
Well,
let
me
tell
you
what
happened
to
me….”
An
appropriate
response
is
the
most
powerful
step
because
it
lets
the
speaker
know
you
heard
and
understood
her.
It
can
be
done
in
three
ways.
(1)
Paraphrase—summarize
the
gist
of
what
he
said.
(2)
Probe—ask
questions
to
get
the
speaker
to
talk
more
(“Why
do
you
say
that?”
“How
do
you
think
that
will
work?”
(3)
Reflect
back
feelings.
Let
the
speaker
know
you
understand
what
she’s
feeling
(“Oh,
that’s
great
news”
or
“You
must
be
so
frustrated.”)
5.
It’s
all
about
me.
If
you’re
compelled
to
show
off
your
knowledge
or
dominate
the
conversation
or
force
your
opinions
on
people,
it
won’t
matter
how
witty
or
smart
or
charming
you
are.
People
are
more
interested
in
those
who
are
interested
in
them.
It’s
an
ironic
but
undeniable
truth
that
if
you
show
interest
and
a
sort
of
wide-eyed
wonder
in
other
people,
they
will
find
you
likable
and
appealing
and
therefore
more
likely
to
listen
to
you
when
you
do
talk.
6.
A
tendency
for
youphemisms.
Casting
blame
is
a
sure
way
to
impede
communication.
No
one
likes
to
be
accused
of
wrongdoing.
So
choose
your
words
carefully:
Instead
of:
You’re
not
doing
it
right.
Try:
Perhaps
there’s
a
better
way
to
do
this.
Instead
of:
You
didn’t
give
clear
directions.
Try:
I
didn’t
understand
your
directions.
Instead
of:
You’ve
screwed
things
up.
Try:
Looks
like
we
have
a
mess
to
untangle.
7.
Bump
on
a
log
syndrome.
If
you
can’t
show
any
energy,
conviction,
or
passion
for
your
product
or
service
or
company
or
self,
then
you
can’t
expect
anyone
else
to
get
excited
about
it.
If
your
presence
is
not
adding
value,
then
why
are
you
there?
Even
if
you
have
nothing
in
particular
to
contribute
in
any
given
situation,
recognize
that
a
bored
or
apathetic
or
“I’d
rather
be
anywhere
else
than
here”
attitude
will
not
endear
you
to
others.
Show
up
with
energy,
project
enthusiasm,
and
get
excited
about
other
people’s
ideas.
|
Barbara
Busey
is
the
president
of
Presentation
Dynamics,
a
training
firm
that
specializes
in
the
dynamics
of
how
people
present
themselves.
She
has
16
years
of
experience
training,
speaking
and
writing
on
different
types
of
communication
skills.
Her
clients
include
Bank
of
America,
Belk,
The
Charlotte
Observer,
McColl
School
of
Business
at
Queens
University,
and
Transamerica
Reinsurance.
She
is
the
author
of
Stand
Out
When
You
Stand
Up—An
A
to
Z
Guide
to
Powerful
Presentations,
and
has
produced
an
audio
CD—The
Compelling
Speaker—and
a
DVD—How
to
be
a
More
Dynamic
SPEAKER.
